No Cry It Out for this Mama

As I often mention, I frequent message boards daily. I love the idea of a community behind motherhood and message boards have really hit the spot for me. Granted, sometimes they can be rather childish and bitchy... generally they are very welcoming and helpful. I honestly would have jumped off a bridge if it weren't for some advice I received from amazing mothers on the boards I visit.

Anyway, a topic that is discussed often is the "cry it out" method. The number one discussed topic on boards is sleep. We all go into motherhood hearing horror stories of babies who didn't sleep for months! Or hear about these amazing babies that just sleep, all the time! You hear the stories, but then you get your baby and have to actually deal with sleep on your own.

The first few weeks are known as "survival mode" in parenting. You will do whatever it takes to get the baby to sleep. I began my sleep journey with Kirsten by waking every hour. And then every two. And then there would be times she would sleep maybe four hours at a time. But soon enough she figured it out and slept through the night, maybe waking once. This was amazing for us. Granted she was in her car seat or Nap Nanny, but still, the kid was asleep... gold star for mama!

However, getting Kirsten to those amazing hours of sleep seems to be the issue where "cry it out" comes into play. I prefer to rock and feed my baby until she goes to sleep. Sometimes she needs the bottle, other times she just falls asleep on her own, in my arms as we rock to soft music in the background. I personally adore this time together, especially after a long hard day.

For naps it is generally the same deal, except it takes place in the living room or while pacing around the house. Sure it takes away from stuff I could be doing. I have to drop everything, pause Lost, and pace around the kitchen in order to get her to settle down. I wish I had a baby that could be laid in a swing and just settle on her own, but Kirsten is very much a "I need to be held, and if you think you're putting me in that bouncer, you are WRONG" type of baby.

So some mothers turn to "cry it out." Something I personally have no interest in trying... ever. I hate the sound of my baby crying and feel it is my job to be the one who soothes her, and puts her to sleep (or Todd for that matter). I have had mothers tell me, "well you can't rock them to sleep forever." or "they have to learn sometime." Well what happened to allowing the baby to learn on their own? Meaning, I won't force her to learn it by placing her in her crib and waiting for her to just tire out and sleep.

I realize that the parents don't just leave the baby in their room and allow them to cry for hours. I just prefer soothing her to sleep by picking her up and helping her, than any other way. I only get these few months with Kirsten as a little baby... I don't want to force her to grow out of the "I need my mommy NOW" phase too quickly!

I took this from www.babycenter.com: Crying isn't the goal of this sleep training method, but advocates say it's often an inevitable side effect as your baby adjusts to sleeping on his own. They say the short-term pain of a few tears is far outweighed by the long-term advantages: a child who goes to sleep easily and happily on his own, and parents who can count on a good night's rest.

Perhaps I am creating a child who will require mommy to always put her to bed. But really, when will I ever stop putting her to bed. Maybe our routine will simply change... from bottles and rocking to books or songs.

I was always an advocate for baby led routines. I think that babies have this natural ability to just adjust themselves to their situation. I really have no other way to explain how Kirsten just "knows" that it is night time and goes to sleep for hours. If she wakes, I feed her and rock her, and she goes back to bed. If we had to do this 5 times a night, then that is just what we have to do. She will eventually grow out of it and begin sleeping through the night again.

Maybe as mommies we just have TOO much information sometimes. Too many books and experts and opinions.


I would really love to hear more about "cry it out" and sleep training. It was just something we never felt comfortable doing. But I have heard many success stories from mother who tried Ferber.

Sleeping though the night?????

My kid is sleeping through the night??? Get outta town!

So from the start I read so many books and websites on how to get your kid to sleep through the night. I heard so many things and tried them all. I was determined to have "that kid." The one that all mommies hate because THEIR kid is waking up every 2 hours screaming. I was on a mission.

The first few weeks that you bring home baby are called "survival mode," and boy is that true. You just do what you have to do to get through the day/night. You are so sleep deprived that you have no idea what day or time it is, ever. You just keep going like a robot. Making bottles, rocking baby, changing diapers, obsessing over every sound, staring blankly at the tv and repeat 500 times. But once you hit about week three a pattern begins to develop. Baby starts to show signs of developing a schedule and you begin to follow their lead. Sleep during the night starts out with them waking every 2 hours. Then there is a fluke night where baby sleeps for 3 hours straight! You wake up startled and wonder if the baby is dead (OMG SIDS!) and see a peaceful little babe sleeping happily in their crib. There is hope!!!!

Okay so one of the ways that they say to get a baby to sleep through the night is to swaddle. I have to say "to heck with you" to swaddling. We did it for the first two weeks and I personally found it really obnoxious and annoying to do. Plus, how the heck could people see her cute outfits when she is wrapped up in a blanket? Swaddling was not for me, and I decided it was not for Kirsten either. She did show signs of disliking it anyway. She constantly found her way out of my tight swaddle, and wanted her little hands up by her face when she slept. So I gave in, very easily. Swaddling was done.

Around 4 weeks Kirsten started to only wake 1 or 2 times in the middle of the night. Usually around 2am and 4am. She would go to sleep around 10pm, wake two times, then be awake for the day around 7am. This was a great pattern and I got used to it. Also around this time she would stop needing the 2am feeding and went straight to 4am. There was hope! I see that light at the end of the tunnel! By the end of week 5 she was only waking at 4am, and again I fell into the pattern that she established.

But then came the day... the best day of my life. The day that Kirsten slept through the night! It happened during week 6 and she went from 11pm - 5am! I was so excited! I figured it a was a fluke and waited anxiously for the next evening. She went back to her old pattern of waking one time, but the third night she slept through the night again!

We are currently on week 7 and she is consistently sleeping from at least 11pm to 6am! Success!

I've had people ask how we did this, and I just keep saying "follow the baby's lead." It is so funny to say, but it is so true. A baby will naturally fall into a pattern, and as the parent it is our duty to simply follow the schedule they are working on establishing. I read on so many message boards about sleep training, and I think it is all a load of crap. I find it cruel to force a schedule upon a child who really doesn't know any better. They want to do what they want to do. Eat when they want, sleep when they want, poop when they want (and where they want). It is our job to simply read their signals and go with the flow. I think parents just get to anxious and worked up about doing the "right thing" that they forget that the baby is THEIRS! No one will know your baby quite as well as you do. It's called an instinct for a reason!

So now I have a happy baby who sleeps through the night... by week 7. I will now go drink a cup of coffee (only a cup, now that I am rested I can cut down from 5 cups to one) and pat myself on the back.