Buying jeans

I went to the mall yesterday on a mission to find a pair of jeans. For months I had been wearing the same Old Navy sweatpants and maternity jeans, and it was finally time to venture back to "real" pants.

I decided on American Eagle, the jeans always treated me well there before. But looking back, maybe I should have chosen a store catered to people above the age of 15.

I took Kirsten with me, and we decided to go through this together, just us girls. I browsed through the front of the store and picked up a few tank tops, things I knew would fit me. This way, when I am a crying mess on the floor of the dressing room, hidden under a pile of jeans that will not go above my thighs, I would have a glimmer of hope that clothing will once again be a friend to my body.

I then made my way to the back of the store and saw 5 mannequins wearing skinny jeans, all in cute washes. They looked great. AAHHHH even fake people look better than me. This is so intimidating!

I chose a pair in a medium wash, something I could wear with everything. Since I plan to lose more weight and get in better shape, I didn't want to waste my time with the cool trendy pairs with holes in them. Even though I was extremely tempted to do so.

I found a sales person and asked for a fitting room. Kirsten's first fitting room experience. If this went poorly, would I be scarring her for life? Will she have image issues, and her entire life not be able to figure out why? after years of therapy she would discover that it was this moment, watching her mom 3 weeks after giving birth, try to fit her fat butt into a pair of skinny jeans meant for a tall, cute, 16 year old girl??????

I brought with me a size 2 (wishful thinking) and size 4. I started with the size 2, I figured there was no chance I was a 2 again, and if it didn't fit I wouldn't be too disappointed. I put one leg in, then the other. and then attempted to pull them up. It got to almost my butt and then stopped. I laughed at myself, this is like a bad episode of What Not to Wear. Stacy and Clinton would have my neck for even trying the size 2, let alone skinny jeans.

I then tried the size 4. one leg, then the other. pulled then up and..... THEY FIT! They were a but snug around the waste, but as any seasoned shopper knows, you want you buy your jeans so that they just fit, because denim stretches. I was so happy. I did a little happy dance around the dressing room and high fived Kirsten. She continued to sleep, and gurgle a little. She was clearly not as amused as I was.

I promptly left the dressing room with my jeans and tank tops in my hand, proud of myself for having a successful trip to the mall, and not leaving with sweatpants! I even treated myself to a new belt!

I strutted my way through the rest of the mall, feeling on top of the world.

then and now

My last photo pregnant, 39 weeks


3 weeks after giving birth



Keep in mind I had a c-section. So that means no working out and my appetite has been off. I go from being super hungry to barely eating at all. I think I have come a long way though.

I gained ~35lbs while pregnant, and don't own a scale, so who knows what I weigh now. I'd be interested to see where I am at when I visit the doctor in 2 weeks.

I am hoping to get back down to 115. I started at 108, but realize that is a bit extreme and hard to maintain. Basically, I just want to look good for our honeymoon.

am i back in college?

I was puked on twice today. Yes twice. My sweet little girl felt the need to toss her cookies on me at 8am this morning, and around noon. Both times happened in the middle of feeding. And both times she aimed her little sharp shooting spit-up straight down my shirt. So bra, shirt, and pants all got covered! lovely. I haven't dealt with this amount of throw up since college... and even then at least the person apologized.

Watching your child throw up is honestly a surreal experience. Last week when she did this it came pouring out of her nose. It was a like a horror movie. White, gooey, yucky, chunky stuff came pouring out of her mouth and then like a fountain shot out of her nose. She didn't appear too bothered by this, but me being a first time mom, began to cry and scream for Todd to get a wash cloth. We cleaned her up, soothed her, and she fell asleep. and I sat beside her and stared at her while she dreamed. I have since been worried that this will happen at night and I won't know.

Today she appeared to not want to sleep at all. She would doze off and I would think... "YES! I can take a shower!" and the moment I put her in her pack n play or swing her little blue eyes would pop open and she would call me back with a howling scream. I basically held her all day, except for when I sponge bathed myself after she threw up all over me.

I have been wearing the same sweat pants as I always wear, yoga pants from Target, and my hair is crusty from her spit-up. I suddenly had images of the commercial where the mom has knotted hair and kids running around her, pulling on every limb. She then is able to shower am use this shampoo which makes her hair long and luxurious. The message is that you don't have to look frumpy just because you are a mom. But my question is... who is going to watch my kid while I shower and style my hair to look that way? My dog certainly doesn't seem to be game for it. So I guess I am doomed to sweat pants and crusty hair for the next few months.

Sleeping Situation taken care of... for now

Kirsten is now 2 1/2 weeks old and for the whole 2 1/2 weeks we have struggled with her sleeping at night. We would have good nights and bad, going from hours of sleep to waking every hour. Poor Todd would have a hard time getting through the day because she would wake him up with her screams or grunts at least every hour.

I tried swaddling, elevating her mattress, laying her on her side, putting warm jammies on her, increasing her formula amount... I tried it all. It appeared that elevating was the answer, she was doing better when her mattress was raised (we put towels under her mattress in the pack n play). She always slept well in her swing, so it made sense that this would work for her. However, that was not enough. She still woke up, unswaddled, and crying.

So I took it upon myself to find something that would help her situation. I ordered the Nap Nanny and anxiously waited for its arrival. Finally the day arrived and we decided to try it out at nap times. It went well, she would nap for over an hour or so during the day. However, we weren't able to use it at night because it didn't fit into the pack n play. I would have moved her to her nursery but we did not have safe monitors at the time, and I was not ready for her to be out of our room quite yet. Another solution had to be found.

Last weekend my mom visited and watched Kirsten while we went out with some friends for dinner. That evening she insisted on keeping her in the living room with her. We decided that she could sleep in the car seat since she was napping so well in it earlier in the day. We came home, anxious to hear about how the night was going, to find a sleeping baby. We went to bed, and I would wake up waiting to hear her cry, but we never did! In the morning I asked how things went and mom replied that she slept well, and only woke up twice, wanting to feed and needing to be changed. Maybe we found our little miracle...

The next night we put the car seat in her pack n play and prayed that lightning would strike twice. And you know what, it did! Thank god! She slept from 11pm - 3:30am, 4am - 6:30, and 8am - 10am! I felt refreshed and like I had finally done my job as a mom. I was able to figure my child out and out smart her.

Last night was basically the same. She slept from 11pm - 3:30am, 4am - 8am. She even has been learning to settle herself. Instead of me running to her side with every peep or whimper, I allow her to figure it out on her own. I certainly don't believe in the "cry it out" method, but there are times when you have to realize, as a parent, that your kid needs to do it on their own. So this was Kirsten's first test. I have been trying this out for the past few days and she has been doing well with it. She settles and enjoys her swing or bouncer... something I thought she hated since day one. It is amazing the extra amount of sleep I get by allowing her to fall back asleep on her own, instead of me feeling the need to rush to her and rock her back to sleep.

We will see how the week goes, but I may try to put her in her nursery this weekend. I am sure the car seat will simply be moved to her crib, but that is fine with me. If she prefers the snuzzler over her crib mattress, then let the girl be!