The Great Mommy Debate 2010

Since becoming a mother, well actually, since the day I got pregnant it seems people have been pressuring me to pick a side on various topics. Family members, friends, and my personal favorite, strangers all want to know your stance on certain things, and will not be satisfied until they get the right answer. However, regardless of that answer, they will then force feed you their opinion on said subject.

For a year now I have been dealing with these questions and fielding the constant stream of unwanted advice. See, once you become pregnant you are now public property, or at least, that is how everyone else feels. The baby doesn't belong to you, you don't know what is best for it, and even your body no longer is yours. Everyone has an opinion on how to raise the baby, how to "be" pregnant, and which style of parenting is most effective.

So what are these Great Mommy Debates? Well here are a few of my favorites.....

Breast is best vs Formula Feeders: This is by far my favorite, yet also the one that causes me the most anxiety. While pregnant I read probably a dozen books, went to a few classes, and researched every single website ever dedicated to breast feeding. I was so determined that it would be the way we would go, and no one was going to stop me. I saw how easy it came to my sister-in-law, and how much money they saved on not buying formula, and knew it would work out for me too. I honestly could have done more "practicing" but decided being book smart on the idea would be good enough. Well the day came, and within moments of Kirsten being born I was told it was time to feed her. Boy oh boy did that not go as planned! I had a c-section so placing her on my stomach was not going to work, and with her screaming bloody murder, my mom hovering over me, and a lactation nurse telling me constantly to massage my boobs, I really had enough. I decided we would try later. Well later was pretty much the same result, and later after that, and even much later. Needless to say, after about 2 weeks of trying (and crying) I decided we just weren't going to breast feed. Kirsten loved her bottle, not the boobs I was told she would be so willing to accept as her main source of nourishment.

Here's the thing, the pressure obviously got to me. I had people on either side of the debate beating down my emotional door about breast feeding, and in the moment of truth, I let it all get to me. I had people telling me formula was just as good. Well okay, then maybe I should just give this up! I had people telling me BREAST IS BEST and Kirsten would basically die if I didn't feed her from my lady friends. Alright, call every lactation expert in Pittsburgh and tell them it's an emergency!!!

The first motherly moment I had with my daughter was ruined by OTHER people! And this endless, stupid debate. Why should there even be a debate? Some women have working parts, other's don't. Some people are built for milking, other's just can't produce. Sadly, I fell into the second group.

Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms: This one I really only have one opinion about, it should be left to the family. Everyone feels it is their right to have an opinion on which side is better, and really, neither is better than the other. Let's be real here, childcare costs are outrageous, and not everyone has a family member who is willing to watch a baby for free. We are in that group, therefore, I work. However, would I look down on mothers who can stay at home with their babies? Of course not! They're lucky and very hard working! Being a mother is already a job, and what they do really should not be taken lightly. I really cannot stand when working mothers look down on stay-at-home mothers because they "do two jobs, and would LOVE to just be at home all day with the baby." Try it. I'm sure you'll soon be the "I love going to work because I need the adult interaction" person soon after.

I loved being home with Kirsten during my maternity leave. I also love having somewhere to go everyday. Neither is easier than the other, it is just different.



There are many more debates, such as post-partum depression, c-sections, and whether to baby lead schedules or create schedules for the baby. Mothers will debate all of these things until the end of time. As long as their are moms and babies, there will be strong opinions. I will never understand it. I will never understand why people feel the need to be cruel and nasty towards another mother, but it continues.

I wish being able to say, "let's agree to disagree" was good enough in these circumstances, but sadly, it never is. We have to be right and validated in our own mothering abilities, so debates will forever take over our lives. Strangers will feel the need to tell you, "get the epidural, you don't win a medal after birthing a baby naturally!" or "Just let the baby cry it out, they need to learn how to settle themselves." Maybe we just need to come up with some sort of filter, or a mommy defense system to guard us from these "unwanted advice" givers.

Or maybe I should give in, and pick a side on everything, and defend it to the end...... but for what?

Sleeping without the Nap Nanny

I have off all week and decided it was time to experience with Kirsten sleeping in her crib, minus the Nap Nanny.

I was always so scared to try having her sleep flat because is was such a huge failure when she was a newborn. We swaddled, played a sound machine, laid her on her side... everything, and she refused to lay on her back, flat in the bed. So we resorted to having her sleep in her car seat. She suddenly was a different baby and slept amazing. She would only wake up once a night, and now she sleeps through the night.

However, I really wanted her to sleep on her back, flat in her bed. No idea why, it just really bothered me that she needed to use something to help her sleep. It would just be so much easier when we are away, so we don't have to drag the wedge along with us! So this week we are trying to lay her in bed and see how she naps.

Well today was day one and it has been awesome! She woke up at 7:30am and we went downstairs for a bottle and play time. Around 9:30am she was ready for a nap and I was excited to give this new sleep routine a try. I took the nap nanny out of her bed and placed her on a soft blanket flat on her back. I then used her favorite blanket to cover he up. I snuck out of the room, and 40 minutes later she was awake! First nap a success!



The second nap happened shortly after I took a shower while she played in her bouncer. I fed her another bottle and she fell asleep, but woke up again by the time we made it upstairs. I tried to rock her and bounce her to get her to fall asleep again but she was wide awake. I decided I would lay her down and go blow dry my hair and see how it goes. I heard her cooing in the crib for a few minutes and then nothing. After drying my hair there was still silence! And now, 45 minutes later she is still asleep!

I am hoping this goes well all week. Maybe by the weekend we can try having her sleep this way over night. I would be so happy to have my baby sleep in her bed, without a wedge propping her up!

Baby's First Easter

I have been waiting to celebrate a holiday with Kirsten since the day she was born. I was hoping and praying so badly for a Christmas baby, but my wish was never granted. Instead, she arrived late and I was forced to wait until Easter for my first major holiday with her.

The weekend started on Friday with Todd setting up an Easter egg hunt for Kirsten. We had to follow clues hidden throughout the house to a prize at the end. We went all over the house, and finally made it to the end. Hanging from a tree in the backyard was a giant Easter egg, and inside was Disney's UP on dvd!!! It was a blast!

We went to my parents house for the weekend, to celebrate with my brother, his wife, their two kids, and the rest of our family. We arrived and immediately were greeted by tons of family and friends. I don't think Kirsten has seem this many people in her entire life. We mostly hung out with the family on Saturday, and ate some pizza at my parents' house. My nephews were crazy, as usual, and it gave me a good glimpse into our future. Eli, the 1 year old, was into everything, and found endless hours of entertainment turning off tvs and turning on the computer.

My mom bought the 3 grandkids matching Easter jammies from Old Navy, and insisted that they all match. So Kirsten being the only girl was forced to wear boy jammies! She was obviously less than pleased! "But what about my pink??? My skin tone goes so well with pink and yellow!" I am sure these were all of her thoughts going through that cute little head as her Noni placed blue jammies on her freshly bathed body. We then tried to get a few photos of the kids, but it being past a few bed times, we were unsuccessful in getting one good photo of them all together. (Ethan 2 1/2, Eli 1, Kirsten 3 months)





The next morning was the big morning! Kirsten woke up after a full night of sleep (in her car seat, on the floor next to the bed where Noni was sleeping) and I immediately took her to the kitchen to see her basket. We ordered a Pottery Barn Kids Easter basket with a purple liner and her name written on it. It was perfect for all of her treats. Of course the bunny brought her a few cans of formula, that bunny, he is clever! She also got a few Gap outfits, a bathing suit from Gymboree, and books! She also got a towel, cooler, and beach bag for the summer (obviously the Easter bunny loves Pottery Barn kids)! She loved her basket, especially the formula. She insisted on me making her a bottle right away.






After the excitement of the morning it was time to go to my Aunt's house for Easter dinner. It was such a crazy house. There were so many family members, 3 kids under the age of 3, and 3 dogs!! It was chaotic to say the least, but lots of fun! We made spaghetti (homemade) and had the best dinner I have had in a long time. Eli enjoyed the spaghetti the most, I think! Again, he gave us yet another glimpse into the near future! I cannot wait for Kirsten to start eating Noni's spaghetti!




This morning, Monday, we drove home in a car loaded with lots of Easter goodies. Kirsten really made out from the bunny! I think she had a wonderful weekend with her cousins, even though a Woodie doll (from Toy Story) got tossed right at her head. She has the bruise to prove it! But she vows she will some day be able to get revenge on her cousin Eli!

We came home to one more surprise... Kirsten's new swing! Her travel swing went ka-put and it was time for a new big girl swing. This thing is AWESOME! It is the Graco Lovin' Hug swing. We love it. It was a little difficult to put together, but such a step-up from our previous swing. The swing adjusts to a full laying down position, which holds her much like a basinet, to slightly sitting up, to completely sitting up. She loves napping in it (we already tried it out)!





I am working on a few more posts, including one about the new CoddleLife bottle, sustainablebabyish fitted diapers, Thirsties covers, and night time cloth diapering!

Ready for the Weekend

Hey dudes! I'm ready for the sunny weekend!
My mom said she is taking me to see the Stanley Cup! We'll make sure to take lots of photos.
I am so excited for the Easter Bunny and hope I get tons of formula in my basket! (and maybe some chocolates for mommy!)


Happy Easter! Have an amazing weekend!