Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day Weekend

After weeks (actually an entire month) of rain here in Pittsburgh, it was such a welcomed break this weekend to see some sun!
We celebrated by taking Kirsten to the pool!

Here is our weekend....

It is pretty amazing to see how far we have come in a year. Last year at the pool we carried bottles with us, and someone had to constantly hold Kirsten in the pool. Now she plays independently in the baby pool, walking right past us and up to the kid with the best toys. I was able to enjoy a cocktail while catching some sun, completely unheard of last year. I could see her making friends, and growing up there, and making childhood memories, just as I did when I was a kid. My favorite summer memories take place at the pool we went to every year. It is really amazing to see summer through the same eyes my own mother had years ago.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Ok... I get it now

A perfect day....

We started out by going to Target for some pool items. The pool opens this weekend and we needed new "big girl" toys, beach towels, and lotion. I had fun walking up and down the aisles talking about summer with her, and seeing her face light up when I showed her the Dora beach towel I was getting her. She is such a little girl now!

We then went to the mall to play. Not shop. Just play. We went to Giggles & Smiles and she had the absolute best time. She went from the ball pit to the slides to the race cars faster than I could keep up. We weren't tantrum free... but that didn't seem to matter. Her smiles as she went down the huge slide all by herself was worth every second.

We then shared some lunch at the food court, then rode the merry-go-round to cap off the trip. She loves that ride, and I love the squeals that come from her as we go round and round and round.

Once we got home I hoped she would sleep, but she fought her nap for an hour. I gave in, and instead of hiding in the bathroom from my sleep deprived toddler, I got out her bathing suit and started to blow up the pool. While she happily played with the sidewalk chalk on the back patio, I filled the pool and got everything ready.

The second she hit the water she was in love. What a difference from last year! Last year she was just this blob, sitting in the water making tiny splashes. She was all over the pool, playing with her toys, licking the water, getting in and out all by herself... she was in her glory. And I loved laying on the towel watching as she just enjoyed the sunny afternoon.

We hit her wall shortly after... and she is currently asleep. And looking back, today was great.

I stress a lot being home with Kirsten and feeling like I filled her day with fun and educational things. I want to be a good mom, and feel pressure from all of those other amazing mommies out there to keep up. I feel like I have to be able to bake cookies, do a load of laundry, think of a fun craft to do with her, and have dinner on the table all at the same time. In reality, that is never true, but when you start to stay at home, it becomes that little voice inside your head.

I think I earned my gold star for the day.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Friday, May 13, 2011

Thank-you Tina Fey

I have written a few entries about my troubles with breast feeding. I have also written many entries about those mommies who's life plan is to bring down every mom who isn't exactly like them.

There's no answer to why we do it, why mother's feel the need to constantly defend their choices or feel bad because we may have failed at something. If our kids are still alive, happy, and not laying in large piles of poo... then we didn't fail. So why do we walk around feeling like big losers half the time?

Well I just wanted to share this bit from Tina Fey's new book, Bossypants. She basically says everything I ever wanted to say about my big huge fail at breast feeding. It just wasn't in the cards for me and Kirsten. And I shouldn't be ashamed of that. However, I feel constant shame because of it. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do we always do this?

Well maybe she can at least make us laugh and finally get over the guilt....

After giving in and feeding her child bottles of formula: "However, the baby was thriving. I was no longer feeling trapped, spending thirty out of every ninety minutes attached to a William-Sonoma Tit Juicer. But I still had an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. I had failed at something that was supposed to be natural."

She goes on to describe the shame that happens after you officially give up on breast feeding. The times you are with friends who do it with ease and talk about how they are saving so much money and bonding their their child. You lie. You try to rationalize it in your head, "I tried. No one can say I didn't give it every ounce of my effort." I spent months doing this. And I truly hated myself for being such a jerk to myself! And for judging my friends and needing to put them down because it made me feel better.

It is refreshing to hear the same words I have said no many times in my head from someone else. Someone of a little more authority than myself. Maybe now I can finally let go of it.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Wordless.... oh F it!