Holding Hands

Kirsten has just learned how to walk while holding our hand. She does some independent walking but nothing that takes her from Point A to Point B. It is more, "oh this is fun!" and then she realizes that she can do what she always does (crawl) to her destination.

We discovered she can hold our hand and walk last week at the park. She went down a slide and I ushered her off of it by holding her hand, and she didn't let go! Normally she will bat my hand away, insisting she can do everything on her own. But this time she held on and took a few steps with me. It was one of the best moments I ever had with her.

She continued it a few days later at the pool. I stayed at the bar waiting for our check from dinner while Todd took her to the docks to see the boats. Her put her down and walked while holding her hand. I look down off the deck and see them walking, hand-in-hand, in the sunset. Again, magical.

I only just started holding her hand, and getting her to trust me to walk with her, when it all came crashing over me like a wave.

This happened....



We went out to dinner and decided to walk by the fountains afterwards. Todd held her hand and slowly walked her up to water as it shot out of the ground. She loved it. She shouted, "doggy!" as a big Pit Bull galloped through the fountain. It was a great end to a nice dinner.

Not wanting to be left out I took her hand and walked her around. My little girl, holding my hand, as we walked around in our pretty dresses. I loved it. And then a small girl with a pretty dress on came over. She was hesitant at first, but then I noticed her reaching for Kirsten's hand. She then hugged her, and we thought it was the sweetest thing. After a good "you are my new best friend" hug she reached for her hand again.

And this is where it gets me.

Kirsten took the girls hand and dropped mine.

Dead. Over. Heart smashed. I looked at my husband and he had a look of shock on his face. I was witnessing two things... Kirsten's first real friendship (even though it only lasted the moments we were at the fountain) and the first time she didn't need me anymore.

I spend every day with her. It is just us girls and I love it. We go shopping, to the pool, we watch movies, and I sneak her cookies before her nap. We have a bond.

Seeing her drop my hand made this whole "growing up" thing more real for me. Eventually this will be the norm. She will think it isn't cool anymore to hold her mom's hand. Or be seen with me. Or wear a pretty dress to dinner with me.

I was just hoping that day wasn't today.