Adjustments

At no point since Kirsten was born (except for the first 4 weeks) was I ever a stay-at-home mom. Even when I was on maternity leave I never considered myself a stay-at-home mom because I knew there was a time limit. I was going back to work. Plus it took all 4 of those weeks for me to adjust to the idea of having a kid in the first place. No one ever remembers the first few weeks, and if you do, you only remember never sleeping and wearing the same sweat pants the entire time.

Well now that I am home basically full time it doesn't feel like it is real. I haven't quite adjusted to the idea that I don't have to get up and go to work every day. Or be home by a certain time so I can do a night shift. I work three or so days a week so most days are left open to whatever I want to do. And that is such a change!

It is honestly hard to make yourself not selfish after a lifetime of being so darn selfish. I admit it, I was super selfish my whole life. Everything revolved around what I wanted/wanted to do/my time. Adjusting to married life and living with a man was one thing. And even then it was fairly easy, because we both were independent enough to do our own thing without worry. But adjusting to a child, even more so, being home with a child 24/7, is super difficult.

Sometimes I see a marathon of Real Housewives episodes on tv and think... "What a perfect afternoon!" My old self would flop my butt on the couch with pizza rolls and mountain dew and have a perfectly good time. Now? I am lucky if I get to shower and have a cup of coffee throughout the entire day, not to mention, I am usually so tired after cooking for Kirsten and feeding her that my meals consist of yogurt or a granola bar.

When I worked I scheduled in things because I had to do it. I had to shower. Now it doesn't matter if I go three days without one. Who is going to judge me and my 3 inch roots? My dog?? (well maybe, he is very judgey).

It will take a lot to get used to. but I have confidence that we will find our groove. And I will stop looking at my time as this huge void, and more so as an adventure.