Wow, it's no longer just "me"

I'll go ahead and admit it, before having a baby I was a pretty selfish person. I have a good heart and will do anything for anyone, but when it comes to "my" time I am very selfish. I love having a few hours a day to cruise the internet, I like to walk around the mall by myself, I enjoy eating out on my own, or even going to see a movie alone. Call me crazy, but it is relaxing and sometimes I just don't want to hear other people's opinions.

Well now I have a baby who is attached to my hip nearly 24/7. And all of that selfishness has gone out the window. I find myself getting a bit resentful at times. Todd can come home and take a 20 minute shower, play his guitar, play some Playstation, and I have to continue on with what I was doing all day, watch the baby. I certainly don't mind, he goes to work all day 5 days a week and I get to stay at home, but I do long for those days of just leaving and driving to the mall to walk around and eat at the food court. I would love to shower without pulling the curtain aside every minute to check on her. I'd love to not walk around with a towel over my head because I don't have time to dry my hair right away. I'd also love to have time to pick out a nice outfit to wear for the day.... and also have a reason to wear it.

All of these things you give up when you become a mother. Days of eyeliner, curled hair, and fresh smelling clothes are gone. I traded it in for a burp cloth attached to my shoulder, crusty hair from spit up, and rings under my eyes. But after all of this complaining... I still wouldn't trade it for anything.

I never understood this until I became a mother. I would always see other mothers and wonder either, "how do they do it?" or "why can't they wash their hair today?" I was blind to the power of the infant. For years I watched my own mother juggle the schedules of my brother and I, as well as all of her household duties. She did EVERYTHING for us, and we seldom thanked her for it. I would leave clothes on the floor, empty pop can next to my bed, my bed not made.... and somehow it all got done. That's because she did it. She somehow found time between work, cooking dinner, and running errands to pick up after her lazy daughter.

Now that I am a mother I am starting to see these things for myself. Todd isn't the best about getting to things right away. And he also manages to get more salt on the counters than on his food... so my day usually consists of cleaning up after Kirsten, taking care of all of her needs, then cleaning up after Todd. I come last. Yesterday was the first time I showered since Sunday. Why? Because I was busy doing things for other people, there was no time to wash and blow out my hair. And that's okay... I still went about my day and even went out in public.

I used to look at people who wore sweatpants out in public as lazy... now I understand that they are just married and have children.