Wait wait wait... I can't do it all??

I came across the above image while messing around with Comedy Central's Indecision 2008. It is Election Day and I was reminded of all the hilarity that ensued while McCain and Obama were duking it out.

I used to be someone who followed politics regularly. I was very well educated and could hold my own in a conversation with most people on any topic. However, since having my baby, it took a back seat to bottles, diapers, and poop explosions.

However, now that I have to deal with some decisions politics all of a sudden are playing a major role in my life. Should I be a stay-at-home mom? Could I stay within the work force and manage my household at the same time? What sorts of jobs are out there for me? How will I be judged on both sides of the spectrum... whether I stay at home or work?

I took a lot of women's studies courses in college and am pretty well versed in the history of women in the workforce, and women in the domestic sphere. It is such a complicated web, and it seems that history only goes in circles when it comes to these topics.

We have the Roaring 20s when women wanted to be sexually liberated and free. They pulled up their skirts, wore their hair short, and basically stuck their middle finger up to staying at home and being Suzy Homemaker.

But then we have the big turn around, the 1950s when women were seen going back home and regaining their role as the domestic housewife after the men came back from the war. They took pride in their homes, were taken for a ride when consumerism had a huge boom, and strived for perfection.

Of course both of these are merely just stereotypes. Of course there were other things going on during both these times. These women were apart of a certain class that could allow them these luxuries. But it still says a lot for women's history.

I feel like we just keep making these circles. We go from making leaps and bounds when it comes to women in the workforce, and then turn around and celebrate women in the domestic sphere. Which is both great! But it leaves a new mother almost lost and confused. Well, at least this mother.

Basically it comes down to what we can afford. Could I stay home? No. So my only option is to go out and work. But what does that say about me? I am now tossed into the pool of women known as "Working Mothers" and for years it seems like the "Working Mother" and the "Stay-At-Home Mother" have had it out for one another. Why is that?

I worked for a family (as a nanny) who were never home. The parents were absent and I was made into the main parental figure. I took care of the two boys from morning to night, only handing them over for bed time and weekends. The other worked long hours, and the dad was basically nonexistent. I saw the toll that it took on the two boys and felt for them. My heart reached out for them when they preferred me over their own mother, calling for me when they woke up in the middle of the night and not "mama."

"I will not do this to my own children," I promised myself. I will not be the mother who is only there part of the time, and basically paying someone to do my job.

Then I had Kirsten and I saw first hand how difficult it is to live on one income and have a baby. It is just something that we cannot do, and it breaks my heart to know that I do have to be the mom that leaves her child in the care of others. However, I still don't have to be "that" mom, the one that is completely tuned out to their children, and relies on help to do EVERYTHING for the kids.

If I go back to work will people judge me and think that I am not a good mother? I read on message boards constantly that fight between working and SAHMs and think to myself, "why can't we find some common ground?" Why is one better than the other? Why does one make me a better mother? SAHMs cry out "I have the hardest job on the planet!" as if having to hear the words to validate their choices. And working moms scream, "Going to work makes me a better mother for when I am there with the baby." They are doing the same thing, validating their choices. It is as though our culture is forcing us to feel guilty regardless of our choices.

So where are we now? Are we the 1920s flappers who lives freely and had no worries? or are we the 1950s June Cleavers trying to make our lives as perfect as possible. I like to think we are somewhere in the middle, but there is still a huge struggle as to which is the most acceptable.

Even though I have to choose working, I am not sure how I will deal with the stigma that is automatically cast upon it. Will I care? Do I have to care? We'll see.