Frazzled Mommy vs Smug Mommy

Let me tell you about my day....

After work I picked up Kirsten to head to the mall to shop for a dress for the wedding we are attending this weekend. I hurried up and packed her bag, hoping that I remembered everything and that she would be good enough for me to at least try on a few things. I ran through the mall, literally ran, from store to store. We first went to Express so I could try on a dress I was eyeing online. Of course it fit well, but I am really awful with decision, and Kirsten was being good, so I opted to check a few other stores.

See that is where I went wrong. In mommy world there is no "shopping around." There is only "get the first thing that remotely fits and get the hell out of there!" However, I'm a rookie to the frazzled mommy thing, and decided to take a chance and try a few other stores. I went upstairs to BEBE and was promptly ignored by the girl working in the store. I grabbed two dresses and asked to have a fitting room. Kirsten was beginning to get fussy so I gave her my best "this is urgent" look. She barely looked up from her folding and told me to just head on back.

In the dressing room Kirsten decided to just explode in a little ball of fury. Screaming, turning over, red faced... the full out baby tantrum that can only be remedied by hold, bouncing, bottle, and all attention on her. I never got dressed into two dresses faster in my life. Of course neither were the dress so I got dressed back into my formula stained sweatpants and spit up covered t-shirt, threw on the ERGObaby carrier, put Kirsten inside and ran out of the store. I highly doubt Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum even noticed.

Sensing a meltdown I immediately went to the food court to give Kirsten a bottle. With baby's belly full and happily snuggled up in her carrier, we headed to White House Black Market. Since Kirsten was now attached to my body, and me fearful and frazzled, I immediately told the girl that there was no way I could try any dresses on, I had to pick one and try it on at home. This was probably her lucky day because I went through the store so quickly I really am unsure of what I even purchased. Hopefully it is a full outfit!

As we exited the store, baby still fairly pleasant and me with a successful purchase in hand, I figured it was time to reward my super mommy skills with a smoothie. I began to head over in the direction of Orange Julius when I heard it, that sound that can stop any mommy in her tracks, the sound of my baby completely unloading in her pants! I did an immediate 360 turn and headed right for the bathroom. I laid Kirsten down and opened up her diaper to assess the damage (she was wearing a Pampers disposable diaper at the time. Go ahead, go ahead and tell me about how this was probably my hugest mistake of the day). I was face to face with a super full diaper, and as I checked things out, the poo had made it way completely up her back! Yes, one of those poo explosions!

I cleaned her up, got her dressed, minus the poo filled onesie, and strapped her into her car seat. As I was leaving it dawned on me that we had NO formula at home (of course) and needed to stop at ToysRUs on our way home. Kirsten was being good again, why do babies insist on faking us out like this??) and I figured a quick trip would be easy. Safely inside the store I sprinted to the formula section, got what I needed, then headed to the check-out line.

In front of us was a woman with a newborn, asleep under his BundleMe while his mom and grandmother bought what had to be the entire store. I managed to smile at them through my heavy breathing from setting the record for fastest trip to ToysRUs. Just then, my content baby decided to turn into screaming "if you don't pick me up right now you'll be sorry" baby! I tried a pacifier with no luck. I tried her little stuffed kitty that she has been in love with lately, but not so much at the moment! That was it, I just had to deal with having a screaming baby and prayed these people would hurry.

The grandmother of the baby in front of me ran to her baby and peeked in on him, sleeping soundly in his car seat. The daughter asked what she was doing and she replied that she heard a screaming baby. They both look right at me, look at red faced tantrum throwing Kirsten, and smirked. The mom says "oh mom, its not my baby. He is a GREAT shopper! He doesn't do anything!" And again, another smirk in my direction. She then turns to the girl checking them out and says, "oh it must be so difficult working here with screaming babies all the time."

My blood began to boil and my hair began to stand on end. Was this woman series? You would think a fellow mommy would understand, that there would be this unspoken bond. I don't mind getting the "can't you shut your kid up" stares from other people, but I really thought a mom would be able to at least show some sympathy! Not take this moment to brag about her baby!

I quickly turned the stroller around and headed to a different row to check-out. One more minute in the line with Miss Smug Pants and I was going to start throwing punches... or Desitin in her eye!

From now on I have decided that there should be an unspoken law amongst all of us mommies. If one mommy is having her "frazzled mommy" moment, there shall be NO bragging and NO smug looks in her direction. If you break the rule, your child shall suffer from terrible diaper rash!


I suppose my point is this.... as a mom we think we have our kid figured out, and that every once in a while they will throw us a bone and give us 5 minutes to try on dresses. Instead, reality sets in, and we have to deal with it. Before I had a baby I always wondered why moms looked so frantic, I figured they just weren't in control of their kids. It's not so much that we aren't in control, we are just learning how to live our lives and allow them to live theirs at the same time. And usually, it clashes into one huge red faced tantrum.